Broken Silence

 

Broken Silence 

Silence has the sound of suffering

Eyes that talk about untold brutality

The closed hearts and lost minds

The trembling lips that can't get the act together

The chest that wrenches and pains

The deep sea under the surface

It's as if the calm found in the depth

Settles the chaos found in the outer

But Silence told to be golden

When it holds space for the other

What happens to the one

Who has lost the other in the hold

The emptiness and the vaccum

The story of betrayal and loss

The ripple in the stillness 

The breakthrough happens

With the return to the 5 senses

And the quiet marching of the heart

The gentle deep breaths 

Carries the flowing river

Opening the dammed reservoir

Sounds from the depth

The profoundness of the vibes

Silence breaks through

Like the chirping birds of dawn

The night is gone bringing on the light.

Scars from Fire

 

 

 Scars from fire

The Scars remain

Reminding of the coming in

Leaving marks of an unruly guest

Forgetting gets more difficult

The deeply lodged collection

Of terror, fear, pain and agony

Remain to remind

Fortunate for the removed ones

Forgiveness and coming around

The understanding and turning in

As the Powerful insight do the singing 

The Scars do tighten me

Aches and pains added on

Inner prompt to be careful and the survival instinct 

Attempt to revive the broken spirit

To not further welcome in the aggressives 

Better move on with the mindful mankind

Of welfare to others and recomposed

Singing a lighter trembler song

 Of peace and harmony

Like the rise from the ashes

Off the burned past and pained travails

Humbler and tread a safeguarded journey

The vestiges of burning fire that once consumed

 Also Lightened the winding long path of Life.

                                                                                                                                       ~~~Vinti

 

Kerala piravi 2024

 November 1st is kerala piravi day which means the day when kerala state was formed. For me being called a malayali feels special. Kerala is a brilliant performer in the socioeconomic map of India. It's health statistics are comparable to super developed countries. It's also a state of volatile performers , I say that because of my belief that malayalis find it difficult to settle themselves in one place. They make a lot which likes to be on the go ! One of the commonsight and scene in kerala these days is that of big houses which many times has a single elderly occupant who is striving to keep up with the Pressures of managing alone. As have dealing with the umpteen challenges that have come along  happened  so will the cropping up challenges be overcomed.  Three cheers to Kerala !!!

Please find one of my snippets to get a kerala feel. Yesterday was Deepavali night and it rained well through the night. My day began with a visit to the nearby mukundapuram temple. After readying some Puttu for breakfast and having my morning bath I strolled from home to the nearby shree krishna mukundapuram temple. Doing the meditative walk through the country road enjoying the lush greenery and wild flowers is so healing. It's soothing like a pain balm. The road was wet and the wild grasses standing tall along the road stood with its blade tips dripping. The wild creepers lining the fence had It's beautiful little blooms swaying sprightly to the gust of wind brought on by the speeding now and then vehicles on the road. The ambalam has a small stretch of road leading to it from the main road. It's on a raised land and the ambala kulam is at the entrance to the temple guarded with a fence and has some concrete steps going down into it. There is an old peepul (aal)tree up on top at the entrance right up after the flight of stairs. The granite stairs and the flooring of the temple strikes a chord in me.  After offering a pushpaanjali and my prayers, the pradakshinam along the granite walkway around the temple with breaks along to the sarpa kaavu ( the naagaraja cobra altar), most of the time comes with a contended feeling. I made a call to abiji from the temple and shared my soaking to him as well. Sharing of the kerala feel.

Deepavali 2024

 

Deepavalli 2024

Spending deepavalli day in dad's home in irinjalakuda brings some peace and calm into the ocassion. Diwali ( pronounced deepavalli in south india) a festival of lights reminds us once again about the prevailing of light over darkness. Goddess lakshmi and Lord Ganesha are specially workshipped on the ocassion. Legend has it that Lord Rama when he returned from exile to his kingdom was welcomed with lights, pomp and fervour by the people and marks Deepavali day. For me as an individual and family member deepavalli brings back memories of childhood when many times my brother and me wore new dresses stitched by my mom and carried sweets and savouries made by my mom to neighbourhood homes. We burst crackers called atom bomb, kuruvi vedi, ola vedi ( my brother ba will know more about crackers, he was such a crackers enthusiast that he once sustained burn injuries and had to be rushed ) , had the splendorous flower pots , rocket, shanku chakram, maala vedi....as a little one i was more than contended with just the reel of pataas in the gun, the kambi thiri ( sparklers) and the little jack in the box like worms tablets. I thank almighty for this ocassion to be able to sit down in the peace of irinjalakuda on a bright October end day , receive some guests home with little deepavali sweets, have a quite simple lunch at home with my dad and generally let it all roll out. Visited the local mukundapuram temple which is on a small mount today evening. It's my most favourite local temple , don't know why but I feel drawn to it by some force. My 85 years old dad used to narrate stories of how he used to walk by mukundapuram temple as a child while returning from school and the priest in the temple often shooed the children away. I understand my dad to have been among those bunch of kids who played pranks with the priests and higher ups who lived close to the temple premises. Happy Deepavalli and let's be conscious receptive of the bright sunshine on us. May we be able to awaken ourselves upto the brilliance that the world and our life has to offer us.

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Amma My first love

 

Upliftment of science without a balanced heading along with the spiritual impact of it, would lead to the hard sciences getting underrated and Thrown out the Windows. The ramming against each other of ideologies without knowing how it spiritually derides the other , disrupts the dream of equality and healthy partnerships. It's important for the evolution of human spirit - like the story of a run down steam engine which used to puff away in full steam, to take steps in sync or atleast in tandem with know how and technology. That's something to look forward to in this battle for clean and renewable energy.

The spirit works on the mind and physical body. Temperance of the spirit to function effectively with adequate restraint and care, being able to see the bigger picture of Supreme intelligence at work, brings in peace, comfort and wellness to individuals. 

My learning have strong bearings to my Life journey. Growing up in a BHEL township, a safe environment which enabled us to learn good science, etiquettes, fine arts and have good company with brilliant minds,  has shaped up our lives well. Grateful for it from the bottom of my heart. Life has come around with its share of many flavours. Right now, I would like to share some flavour of the tasty food my amma used to make. They were mostly simple with few ingredients and ready in a jiffy. Looking back her creativity seems to have been boundless. Deciphering to learn How she managed a home effectively and largely efficient, albeit it didn't last long and left us in a void after she left, has led to some life lessons. Be gentle with yourself, you are not a horse to be flagged around .... House used to be specklessly perfect in cleanliness, she refused to have a maid many times, washed the clothes on the stone though we had a washing machine, ground the dosa mavu on the stone mortar though we had a grinder, she could bicycle, ride a moped and a car; her interest in craft led her to teaching others her skills in the BHEL ladies club. I remember the awe on some aunties faces when her red, yellow, white organdy roses shaped up, she attended baking classes and made such tasty cakes, she embroidered and tailored my dresses as well as my brother's, she did smoking on my dresses, made fancy cuts on my skirts and blouses... My God ! What was she ... You did miracles with your hands dear  Now i realise She put herself to so much of a grind, Amma please forgive us, we didn't know our limits. You are a kedadeepam, ever showing us the way, picking us up everytime we fell, Pranamam  The blaze you were has set our trail , be with us dear, You are our guiding star  We owe you something for bringing us up as fine individuals. Thanks Amma, my first Love

Recount, Disrobe to discover

 Recount

It was 2003. I was working in ICMR headquarters in a Bio ethics Project. NIMS ( national institute of Medical statistics ) is just adjacent to the ICMR headquarters. Pandeyji was the director and he knew us quite well. He has visited our house couple of times with his wife. I bumped into him a couple of times at work and he liked to see abijit who was a golu then. He would invite me to his room and I would walk into his room with abiju and pandeyji would wash the toy kept on his table and give it to abiju. He talked to me few things which didn't make any sense to me. I don't think it would make any sense to me even now . Then one day i heard jayachandran was in NIMS waiting for me. When I went to nims i was directed to the conference room. In the conference room i saw this crowd - a big assembly of population scientists of India. Jayachandran was inthe middle chairing singing his peace. Pandeyji invited me to join and I Sat surrounded by this crowd wondering why I was there ! Then towards the end of the meeting all of them introduced themselves with their experience, when my turn came i said through the mike i came here to pick up my husband and nothing more . I got up from the seat and found i was bleeding. The seat had blood and I ran into the bathroom. I was in Tears not knowing what to do. I was sure i was only in the mid of my cycle and expecting my periods after 2 weeks. I don't really remember the process but Sutapa sen ( jayachandran 's Junior in IIPS ) handed over a cover with a ganapathi on it. It had a sanitary napkin and she adviced me you must always carry a napkin with you. O God ! The price of a reproduction cycle paid through noise  looks like. Pandeyji is no more but he continues to live in our memories for his diplomacy, initiating the reintegration of traditional medicine with modern medicine through surveys and databases .

******

Disrobe to Discover

We were in Chandigarh to attend T.K. Roy ji's daughter's wedding in 2007. Prof.T.K.Roy was jayachandran's guide and he always held roy sir in high esteem.I had both abiju and abiram, and was SR in safdarjung. Wedding was in a hotel and had a big gathering of academicians and practitioners. Roy sir's daughter married a punjabi and is in california now. Some thing funny, weird and unsettling happened at the wedding. Jayachandran had distanced himself from me and we had to walk to the dais to greet the couple. He didn't budge and dragged his feet. I took the lead and walked up to the couple and greeted them. Jayachandran followed. After that remember my saree falling off from my body. I was wearing a favourite checked kanchipuram saree. All the fleets that is to be tucked into the midriff came out and I rushed into the bathroom. Shalini Verma ( again Jayachandran 's Junior who is a women's empowerment champion working for UNDP ) followed me into the bathroom and asked me why did your saree come off. I don't remember what I said but I don't think I said any substance because i stillhave no clue how one's fixed saree loosens up ! Where are you Shalini Verma ...can u hear me 

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Kailasapuram Club

Kailasapuram club pool - boasts of hosting the national swimming championships in the seventies.

Remember watching so many movies in the open air theatre in Kailasapuram club, BHEL trichy. The most looked forward event which marked the beginning of week ends. The movie was screened on Friday evenings.  The projector would arrive in a vehicle and it stood in the middle of the field a few meters away from the screen. We children many times got to KC before our parents. We would tie the chairs we reserved for our parents with a hanky. The painted metal chairs were in plenty. The projector with its chukkuing chimney, the Light that came when the carbons were shoved in and the big round reels that were held on the top of the projector stand vivid. Ganga pallavi's dad sheshadri uncle usually Sat with his crowd close to the projector. Remember his wits and shouts in between and while the screening was on. I most of the time Sat with my parents. Amma some times would pack thayir sadam or idlis for me to eat in between because they didn't favour the Kadala and kara seva that was on sale close to theatre that much. Amma had a shawl on some times. Her fluffly yellow white shawl was kind of a hit. Daddy had bought it for her from hyderabad. I many times wore the orange green poncho sweater that Amma knit for me. Babu most of the times was found with his friends , Suri used to be the pivot. Suri used to be carried around by his friends and father , he was a polio victim. There was another aunty who was unable to walk and her husband brought her in a herald which used to be parked inside the theatre. As I reflect and the memories to cherish come down - of the crowd, the projector, the star lit sky and the movies, it strengthens me. It grounds me more to see what I am. Thank you BHEL for those glorious days Of forming us to be finer individuals