Recalibration of Life

 Recalibration of life that happens when there are transitions taking place is what I am looking at. The spontaneous natural flow of events that resulted in me taking up the position of a trailing spouse, is one of the events that's up. The journey from what i thought would be a life spent as a good wife , doctor, mother and family member to a mellowed down recluse, hermit  kind of person that i have become is an interesting wind. What comes to mind is those days of aliveness when there was so much of luster sheen to happenings. Must be the outcome of being an apple of their eyes and always achieving it for them , my parents held me high. That did add to the spectacle of the achievement and glories that came along. The transition from school to college , from spinster to wife , wife to mother all has come with its changes. I was hit particularly badly during the second motherhood season. Unable to hold it all I learned to take it slow. Children have grown up and Abiram is also set to leave school for university. So here comes yet another transition. The beginning of next leg of the journey. As i reflect on how it has been flowing through I would like to look at it as a trip moving from station to station. The destination not in sight but experiencing the journey and having the journey before the destination matters so much. As a newly wed i had stars in my eyes aiming for that destination where everything was at its best perfect form.  Aiming to be a good wife, good mother, good doctor , good family member ...all aims were at its most perfect form. But coming down to earth with that realization sitting lightly on me that in that rush to be a spectacle i had lost myself. I had lost that connection with the self. i was no longer holding space for that self which was craving for the nourishment to keep itself alive. Self care is not selfishness but it is that kindness, love and compassion that you show for yourself . In that rush of life where the war that rages is to prove oneself worthy of others approval, respect and recognition, the healing soothing energy of self care is ignored. Under that inner healing energy of self care , i am set to take it slow and take it all with due loving kindness to myself.